like a diamond in the rough2003--1-2-T14: 1:8:-08:00taking it in - one photo at a time ...
friendster=shawn
www.panessapics.combuzznet:user:id:2329http://www.buzznet.com/Copyright (c) 2005, Buzznet, Inc.orangeroskatrina picsfor the love of hephaestuslagniappeportraitsphotos with wordsblogomophone*me*friends*family*for the love of narcissuswall writingsme feetstime-zeromy buzz posterneonbubyebostonHibuzznet:user:entry:id:28569952006--0-6-T20: 0:9:-08:002006--0-6-T20: 0:9:-08:002006--0-6-T20: 0:9:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users11/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-115082189428-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users11/orangeros/default/synd-msg-115082189428-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users11/orangeros/default/mob-msg-115082189428-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users11/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-115082189428-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users11/orangeros/default/large-msg-115082189428-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users11/orangeros/default/feat-msg-115082189428-2.jpgUntitled(2402179)buzznet:user:entry:id:24021792006--0-3-T19: 1:5:-08:002006--0-3-T19: 1:5:-08:002006--0-3-T19: 1:5:-08:00orangeros you can still call me O if you want :)]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114281186556-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114281186556-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114281186556-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114281186556-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114281186556-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114281186556-2.jpgUntitled(2354184)buzznet:user:entry:id:23541842006--0-3-T08: 0:6:-08:002006--0-3-T08: 0:6:-08:002006--0-3-T08: 0:6:-08:00orangeros excuse me for a while
while i get back to who i am]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114182975006-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114182975006-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114182975006-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114182975006-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114182975006-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114182975006-2.jpginvisiblebuzznet:user:entry:id:23426982006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114159597193-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114159597193-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114159597193-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114159597193-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114159597193-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114159597193-2.jpgperfectbuzznet:user:entry:id:23426912006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114159590021-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114159590021-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114159590021-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114159590021-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114159590021-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114159590021-2.jpgeyesbuzznet:user:entry:id:23426832006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114159578582-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114159578582-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114159578582-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114159578582-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114159578582-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114159578582-2.jpgflowersbuzznet:user:entry:id:23426702006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114159571078-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114159571078-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114159571078-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114159571078-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114159571078-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114159571078-2.jpgtestamentbuzznet:user:entry:id:23426492006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114159558688-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114159558688-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114159558688-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114159558688-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114159558688-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114159558688-2.jpgorangerosbuzznet:user:entry:id:23426362006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114159546866-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114159546866-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114159546866-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114159546866-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114159546866-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114159546866-2.jpgagebuzznet:user:entry:id:23426332006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114159540642-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114159540642-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114159540642-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114159540642-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114159540642-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114159540642-2.jpgcurvesbuzznet:user:entry:id:23426292006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:002006--0-3-T05: 1:3:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114159530565-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114159530565-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114159530565-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114159530565-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114159530565-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114159530565-2.jpga bloggy, venting thingbuzznet:user:entry:id:23375882006--0-3-T04: 0:7:-08:002006--0-3-T04: 0:7:-08:002006--0-3-T04: 0:7:-08:00orangeros this is how my life goes
thursday was the last day at my job. the plan was to have my opening last night, pack and leave town with my parents (who were supposed to be at my show last night)
ironically, thursday, i got a call from an agency here in kalamazoo that i've been sending my resume to and have been talking with pretty much since i moved here. they wanted to know if i'd be interested in a postion. now, i have NO idea where i'm supposed to be right now - here, new orleans, boston - no idea - i saw this as a sign. i called my parents who were on the road to kalamazoo and asked, "what do you guys think of this, should i risk staying here for this job?" mind you, i am jobless now, i'm broken-hearted, and i'm struggling with not having friends here in kalamazoo and also the small town-ness. my parents tell me that they think i will be miserable if i move to new orleans, that if they were me, they'd stay in kazoo and see what pans out. they tell me that of COUSE i'm welcome to come home to new orleans, but that they just don't see me being happy there, living in their house and still having no friends.
so, yesterday, i make the decision to stay in kazoo and see about this job. my parents decide to not come to my show after all and hang out in tennessee. this hurts my feelings bc of course, i was excited for them to come to my show. but whatever, this is how my parents are.
so, this moring, i wake up, i have no job, i have no idea what i'm doing, i'm freaking out.
it's one of those times that i know i'm supposed to just sit, and wait and be in the unknown - but the unknown is giving me ulcers and making me want to take what little money i have and run away to somewhere where no one knows me and i can just start my life over. but, really, i don't even have enough to do that. so,
i think i made a big mistake by quitting my job - but then - at the time, i felt like moving to new orleans was what i should do. so on top of the unknowns, i end up hating myself bc i feel like i made a mistake.
so, i guess i'm learning things.
or not.
words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114148736104-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114148736104-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114148736104-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114148736104-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114148736104-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114148736104-2.jpgUntitled(2327744)buzznet:user:entry:id:23277442006--0-3-T01: 1:5:-08:002006--0-3-T01: 1:5:-08:002006--0-3-T01: 1:5:-08:00orangeros in the sociometry of me the two big players are:
risk
time
risk comes naturally to me
timing does not
i'm at a loss for words, no, actually
i'm just at a loss
cause if you call me i'll talk and talk and all you'll really hear is
lost.
so, my dear buzzfriends,
i'm searching
mostly, i'm searching for the place that is "home"
because i've clawed the ground here and for all my effort
all i come up with is
lost.
so, i'm starting a journey. a journey to find "home."
i'm taking you with me, whether you like it or not (des)
maybe i'll get all introspective
maybe i won't even post
maybe i'll post tons
i have NO idea. and that's why i'm so scared.
i'm driving head first (aries style) into unchartered territory,
i have no idea what i'm doing, but i have the strong sense that i need to do it.
so, first, (maybe) i'll take you to my show on friday night. i'll be there with missy, my parents, and the few friends i have here in kalamazoo.
and then, i will load up my things and i will drive to new orleans
i don't know how long i will stay or what i will do there,
i only have ideas.
it could be the biggest mistake of my life.
it could be a stop-over
it could be a respite
it could be the beginning of the end of the beginning of who the fuck knows
and maybe it will be
home.
sometimes there are just things you need to do (despite time). sometimes you just need to wipe the slate clean
ya know?]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114125698658-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114125698658-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114125698658-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114125698658-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114125698658-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114125698658-2.jpgi got yer "two in a row, baby" ;)buzznet:user:entry:id:22770702006--0-2-T20: 1:8:-08:002006--0-2-T20: 1:8:-08:002006--0-2-T20: 1:8:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-114048735836-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/synd-msg-114048735836-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/mob-msg-114048735836-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-114048735836-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/large-msg-114048735836-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users10/orangeros/default/feat-msg-114048735836-2.jpgUntitled(2247010)buzznet:user:entry:id:22470102006--0-2-T12: 1:3:-08:002006--0-2-T12: 1:3:-08:002006--0-2-T12: 1:3:-08:00orangeros ]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-11397804005-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/synd-msg-11397804005-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/mob-msg-11397804005-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-11397804005-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/large-msg-11397804005-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/feat-msg-11397804005-2.jpgmy fav o the daybuzznet:user:entry:id:22439282006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:00orangeros missy and i went on a photodate today in grand rapids (i'd never been there before - i hated it) but there were some cool shots there.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-113970812562-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/synd-msg-113970812562-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/mob-msg-113970812562-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-113970812562-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/large-msg-113970812562-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/feat-msg-113970812562-2.jpg:)buzznet:user:entry:id:22439262006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:00orangeros missy and i went on a photodate today in grand rapids (i'd never been there before - i hated it) but there were some cool shots there.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-113970806232-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/synd-msg-113970806232-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/mob-msg-113970806232-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-113970806232-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/large-msg-113970806232-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/feat-msg-113970806232-2.jpgi can tell you a story...buzznet:user:entry:id:22439232006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:00orangeros missy and i went on a photodate today in grand rapids (i'd never been there before - i hated it) but there were some cool shots there.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-113970800568-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/synd-msg-113970800568-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/mob-msg-113970800568-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-113970800568-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/large-msg-113970800568-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/feat-msg-113970800568-2.jpgthis is for foresight cause i love her gutsbuzznet:user:entry:id:22439202006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:00orangeros missy and i went on a photodate today in grand rapids (i'd never been there before - i hated it) but there were some cool shots there.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-113970795348-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/synd-msg-113970795348-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/mob-msg-113970795348-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-113970795348-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/large-msg-113970795348-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/feat-msg-113970795348-2.jpgbricks will never let you downbuzznet:user:entry:id:22439092006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:002006--0-2-T11: 1:7:-08:00orangeros missy and i went on a photodate today in grand rapids (i'd never been there before - i hated it) but there were some cool shots there.]]>http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/thumb-msg-113970773581-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/synd-msg-113970773581-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/mob-msg-113970773581-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/gallery-msg-113970773581-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/large-msg-113970773581-2.jpghttp://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users9/orangeros/default/feat-msg-113970773581-2.jpg
